I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
