My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
