i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They have beer where we have blood.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
