I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
