dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
