What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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