i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
