Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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