I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
