3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
