Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
