i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
