you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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