if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
