Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
