she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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