Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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