You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
