if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
