We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize