Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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