Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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