when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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