So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
