It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
