I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
