bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
