low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
