Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
