I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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