May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
