Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
