If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
