He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
