Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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