I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
