just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's always time for handjobs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
