the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
