I'm going to jail i love you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
