well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize