Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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