I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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