She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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