They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
