there was a trapeze. enough said
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
