I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
