and you said cock pushups were impossible
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
