shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
