I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
