Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
