I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
