he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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