Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
