Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
