so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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