The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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