I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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