you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she told me i tasted like america
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
