do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
