just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do vagina's smell?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
