Christians are straight up FREAKS
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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