I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
