I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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