I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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