What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
