Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
