i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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