Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
