"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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