what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
