is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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