oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
