I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
