apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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