I hate your face
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
