Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I didn't shave. On purpose
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
