I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize