Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
