Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
