trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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