I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
