Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize