but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
