basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
