i may or may not be watching the land before time
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
