I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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