she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
