So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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