Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
