I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
