she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
