chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
