My nipple is on Facebook.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize