Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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