Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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