He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
