i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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