Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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