I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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