Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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