I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love you. Go after that dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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