you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
