so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
