Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
