I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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