If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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