my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
