I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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