i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
